Archive for the ‘Musings’ Category

Erik Satie – Gymnopédie No.1   Leave a comment

 

Sometimes no matter how many friends you have in your life you’ll come to a realization that you’re completely alone. You always will be and that’s okay. It’s not about relationships or significant others.

It’s just that no one can better understand you but you. No one quite understands your dreams. They pretend to, they sympathize and speculate with you, but you know, that one day when you finally stand on that hot Martian surface, or when you savor that moment before a speech at that long awaited awards ceremony, you’ll look down.

You’ll see the carefully polished floor underneath your snug fitting dress shoes, the red Martian dirt shifting under the weight of your boots, and it will just be you, your shoes, and no one else. Silence.

Above all else we seek acceptance and understanding. In the end we can only accept ourselves and understand our own condition.

I’m done.

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Posted July 18, 2017 by StupidSystemus in Music, Musings, Video

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“Anti-Social” on Social Media   Leave a comment

Not sure if that’s a thing now.

The proper term is “asocial.” When my cousins are on their phones during dinner the whole time, my aunt says they are being “anti social” (or non-socializing).

In any case, its hermit mode for me on and offline. I have no energy to talk to people on a Facebook. No energy to comment. Probably a like or react. Same situation offline.

Maybe I like the passiveness of my tiny blog in the corner of the web, writing down everything, unfiltered to a degree. Whereas a Facebook status update, a tweet, or a comment on everything social media + forums often elicit instant replies, likes/reacts, share/retweets, almost like face-to-face interactions which warrant a follow up response.

Ironically, this was the case for blogging. But technology has caught up and, with a smartphone readily available, you can update on the fly.

Maybe I just need to detox. Probably not the proper term.

I’m done.

Posted July 10, 2017 by StupidSystemus in Musings

Where Do You See Yourself in Five Years?   2 comments

This is a question that came up a lot in my job interviews over the past 8 years. Starting off after college, I didn’t really know what I see myself doing professionally. Eight years later and I still don’t know. But now I have an idea. I’ve accumulated enough work experience on multiple roles from five different jobs.

Earlier this year, two managers from my team of 50+ members approached me and had the silly idea to have me lead a project for our client. It’s a short term project which our company had never done before and they figured I was the right fit for this task. It also doubled as a test run for what I can do with it. They’ve been throwing around the idea of giving me one of our existing programs as a team lead.

The short term project just ended. I recently completed my analysis and sent it to my managers for review before sending it to the client. Impressed by my post analysis of the project, our head project manager shopped around my PowerPoint presentation to our company’s big shots and our client lead, who said “job well job.” I’m humbled by all this praise, giving a boost to my ego.

I just had my interview with one of our managers and former team lead for a project management position. Apparently I’m the only one qualified among those who sent their application. Other than formalities and signed documents, I think the position is all but mine.

Hoping for the best.

I’m done.

Posted April 20, 2017 by StupidSystemus in Musings, Personal

The Proposal   1 comment

A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn’t know Joseph THAT well, don’t even remember where he was from, but let’s just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten a big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend.

Apparently they’d bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn’t been for cotton eye Joe, I’d have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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April Fools.

 

I’m done.

Posted April 1, 2017 by StupidSystemus in Musings

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Has A Sad   Leave a comment

A friend made several short Facebook posts last weekend. The last post said that they have been sad for 5 years.

It made me think about my own predicament. I’m not in a happy place myself, going about my day on auto-pilot. Since my dad’s passing, I was never the same. I’m aware of it at least.

Work occupies my time. Video games, making videos, trolling Facebook and online, watching movies and TV shows, siblings and parents…they keep me centered, but I’m still not my usual self. It’s possible my ideal self no longer exists and I’m just reminiscing on this romanticized self. I’m still capable of finding happiness in the little things.

I’m constantly engaged and have my mind stimulated. Being idle is just the recipe for the existential dread. And it always comes back like.

Whenever I think about my dad, I get emotional. The longer I mull it over and think about my regrets and how I should have acted, the harder it is to hold back tears. Sometimes I wonder why I keep rehashing these sad thoughts. Besides old photos and belongings, the pain is the only thing from him I have left.

I’m done.

Posted October 18, 2016 by StupidSystemus in Musings, Personal