Author Archive

My Dream Sanctuary   Leave a comment

There’s one recurring setting that seem to pop up in my dreams most of the time: My childhood home.

It’s different every time. I’m a kid with my siblings and unknown dream characters with out of place faces. This was one of my earlier dreams as a kid.

I’m a college age student. We left our house when I was 13 so it’s one of the out of place dreams. Usually it’s paired with me failing a class, having to redo the semester, missing class or an exam, or being extremely late and being afraid of what it will do to my academic standing.

There are scenarios of supernatural events, earthquakes, or flooding. One time our house was being torn down. Another was a hidden entrance from our bathroom to an outside road to a backlot and neighborhood across a town I knew nothing about when I used to live there.

Our house is mostly tattered: in disarray, dirty, and dark compared to its bright paint and colors that I remember. A little rundown.

A few times I’ve dreamt with my dad in it. Those are usually harder for me to get out of bed or wanting to go back to the dream.

Research done in the dream sanctuary states they best represent our subconscious mind (or how our subconscious is constructed in the dream state). In any case, my mind is in a longing state after these dreams. This song plays in my head.

I’m done.

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Posted March 7, 2019 by StupidSystemus in Personal

Assassin’s Creed Unity // Scenery Time Lapse   Leave a comment

Time lapse of various locations throughout 18th century Paris in Assassin’s Creed Unity.

Music from Assassin’s Creed Unity:
Unity (Main Theme)
Arno’s Return

I’m done.

Sprinting Through Assassin’s Creed Unity (Time Lapse)   Leave a comment

My first YouTube upload of 2019. I just started playing Syndicate and I have to say that Assassin’s Creed Unity feels like a next gen game compared to that. Syndicate looks larger in comparison, but there are more NPCs in Unity as well as more open buildings with interior spaces to explorer.

Sprinting Time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Versailles………… 02min03sec
Paris……………….. 07min41sec

Total……………….. 09min44sec

Disclaimer: This is by no means an accurate measuring of the distance. How long it takes to do the feat (walking, running, swimming, etc) does not factor game objects that prevent you from trudging on full speed (storms, sailing close to land to drop out of full speed, missed turns, people, invisible walls, etc).

Music:
Running Free is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported(https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)
Source: https://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/639662
Artist: Jacob Cadmus

I’m done.

Dark Place   Leave a comment

I’m cognitive enough to deduce that my mind is in a dark place at the moment. I’m trying to find joy and meaning with the things I normally do, but I feel nothing. The “haha” and laugh emojis I share or post feels faked. Watching humorous videos and shows is short-lived. I don’t feel motivated. Everything feels automatic.

Growing up, I’ve been conditioned, directly/indirectly, that having a mental problem or breakdown is a sign of weakness or that talking about it is attention-seeking. You learn this from family, friends, entertainment, and the culture I grew up with.

Have you ever had your feelings invalidated, being told to stop talking about it so you don’t think about it? You end up blaming yourself. You’re the problem. So you keep pushing it down.

It’s taken a long time to understand and unlearn, in some shape or form, this way of thinking. I say this because part of me still hold on to this mindset even if I know it’s wrong and destructive (a doublethink). Even writing this out makes me feel uncomfortable. A fraud. That’s why I’m not sharing this on Facebook. My blog is a bit more impersonal in that regard. Regardless, I still feel like I’m seeking attention.

In any case, this too shall pass. Probably the weather. It’s January. It finally feels like winter. Maybe a good night’s sleep. Exercise. Detox. Healthy food.

I’m done.

Posted January 10, 2019 by StupidSystemus in Uncategorized

Dinosaurs ALIVE! Exhibit   Leave a comment

A friend’s post on Facebook about a Jurassic dinosaurs exhibit reminded me of the time my mom took my sister and I to a similar exhibit, if I remember correctly, called “Dinosaurs ALIVE!” This was before the movie “Jurassic Park” came out in theaters.

Little me took it literally, thinking there were real dinosaurs in the exhibit. The only dinosaurs I’ve seen before then were on children’s books, “The Land Before Time” cartoon, and crude, old, stop-motion movies with dinosaurs in it.

Walking down the long corridor towards the exhibit, we could hear the dinosaurs roaring and screaming. I tightened my grip on my mom’s hand. I was “game” to go in, but my legs were shaky and felt like turning back. Then we went inside and saw the huge dinosaurs greeting us. They were just huge sculptures and animatronics with sounds.

I was both relieved and disappointed that the dinosaurs were not alive. I had fun exploring and reading the names of the dinosaurs and what they looked like. Ever since then, I’ve had a love or love relationship with dinosaurs and paleontology.

I’m done

Posted January 9, 2019 by StupidSystemus in Musings, Personal

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