Has A Sad   Leave a comment

A friend made several short Facebook posts last weekend. The last post said that they have been sad for 5 years.

It made me think about my own predicament. I’m not in a happy place myself, going about my day on auto-pilot. Since my dad’s passing, I was never the same. I’m aware of it at least.

Work occupies my time. Video games, making videos, trolling Facebook and online, watching movies and TV shows, siblings and parents…they keep me centered, but I’m still not my usual self. It’s possible my ideal self no longer exists and I’m just reminiscing on this romanticized self. I’m still capable of finding happiness in the little things.

I’m constantly engaged and have my mind stimulated. Being idle is just the recipe for the existential dread. And it always comes back like.

Whenever I think about my dad, I get emotional. The longer I mull it over and think about my regrets and how I should have acted, the harder it is to hold back tears. Sometimes I wonder why I keep rehashing these sad thoughts. Besides old photos and belongings, the pain is the only thing from him I have left.

I’m done.

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Posted October 18, 2016 by StupidSystemus in Musings, Personal

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