Archive for June 2014

The Broken Window In My Bedroom   Leave a comment

About 7-8 years ago, I broke the window near my desk in my bedroom. My youngest sister from high school brought her friends over again. My mom didn’t like them at first. They were different from the friends that she used to hangout with in school. Specifically, they were a rowdy crowd. Ever since she started hanging out with them, her grades dropped considerably. Heck, when she had a one-on-one sit down with her social studies teacher on how she can improve her grade for the semester, he told her that she spends too much time socializing with her new friends.

Other than my mom, I didn’t like them. They were loud and came over when our parents specifically told my sister they couldn’t come over. They were outside in the front of the house, making lots of noise. I reached the boiling point and snapped for a quick moment. That was enough for me to punch and shatter my window. I had the cuts on my knuckles to prove it. Told my mom I lost balance standing on top of my swivel chair fixing my action figure boxes above my desk. I don’t think she believed me. Yeah, I have anger issues, which I’m still coping with to this day.

Fixing the window would have been very expensive. I was a freshman (probably sophomore, depending on how many credits I accumulated) and sure as heck didn’t have money to fix it. The least best thing I could do was to cover it up. I removed the broken shards that were already loose and detached. I used the black presentation board I used for my science fair project in high school. It was a bang up job, but it did it’s intended purpose. At least, I thought it did.

This was the lower window of the single-hung double pane window frame. The outer glass was still intact, so I had no issues with rain water coming in. I didn’t know it was a specially insulated window at time. When I broke the glass, it released the gas (most likely Argon gas) between the glass windows for insulation. The insulation prevented moisture from fogging up the glass and lowered the sound levels from the outside. My cardboard cover-up didn’t make the noise any dimmer. The black cardboard also absorbed more heat in the summer.

Over the past few years, I’ve been looking into fixing the broken window. I’m out of college and working. The only problem is that I wasn’t really committed into fixing it. I also dealt with my break up. A few weeks ago, I started looking up ways to fix the window or a replacement. I decided on trying to remove the broken glass shards, remove old putty or caulk, apply the new glass fitted for the exact dimensions (which I thought about cutting myself) and seal it with the new caulk. I bought all the materials I thought I had. On the hardware store, I saw a guy carrying plexiglass. I ended up buying that instead of actual glass.

During my attempt at installing the new glass, I learned that the broken shards are wedged too closely in between the window frame. Fixing this was a lot harder than I thought. My mom told me to do more research on installing a new window. That’s how I learned about double/triple pane and single/double hung modern windows. I learned about low-E windows (energy efficient windows), a window’s R and U values for insulation and how to remove and insert the sashes from the window frame. I looked up pricing on various hardware stores. None of them are selling single-piece replacements. They also don’t have the right dimensions. Our house is 16 years old. The exact model for our windows are probably no longer in stock. The more I looked into it, I realized this would have to be a custom job. I’m ill-equipped to do such a thing. I’d need a professional window technician to do the estimate and measurements, determining whether a simple custom insert replacement window would suffice or a full window frame replacement depending on the wooden frame (will it hold or is it rotten?). I didn’t want to make it worse than it already is. Time to call it quits.

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Since I removed the black cardboard from before, I made use of the white cardboard canvases I used for my LEGO videos. I cut them to the right dimensions, taped it up and stapled on the window. White should bounce off the heat for the summer. Fixing the window requires a full assessment of all the windows in the house. This will have to do.

I’m done.

Posted June 30, 2014 by StupidSystemus in Musings

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What Dreams Tell You?   4 comments

Too many memorable dreams these past few days.

I’ve killed this person I disliked in college by stabbing him on two separate dreams. On the first dream, before it ended I hooked up with a silhouette of a familiar girl, but can’t recognize her. We sneaked out in the middle of the night and talked and kissed in a jeep.

The second dream was very videogame-like. Yes, I killed and stabbed that guy from college. Then there was a party or parade of some sort and I recognized my best friend from school whom I haven’t talked to or seen since 2005. I raised my hand and he sort of recognized me. He’s in a metal band and changed his name to Santa (Lucia/Guias) Cruz. It explains why I couldn’t find or get a hold of him (It’s weird that I vividly remember that name that when I woke up I searched what I remembered on Google).

Just had another dream earlier where I have powers and I was about to move in with this girl I like (who is a mixture of someone very familiar and my co-worker from my last job). Weirdly enough, I ended up being house mates with my former co-worker and her husband, who owned the place and let me live with this girl I like. For some reason another girl appears in the picture and I’m also involved with her. The whole thing is awkward because this girl knows everybody else, yet I already proposed to marry the girl I like. The dream kind of got confused and it appears I promised myself to both of them. I haven’t been in this much drama since college and been in a tug-of-war/having to choose/being fought over situation since 6th grade.

So what do these dreams all mean? I don’t know. But all these dreams just made me realize something…

… I feel lonely.

I’m done.

Posted June 23, 2014 by StupidSystemus in Musings

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Something Lost   Leave a comment

I was catching up with a friend who I haven’t spoken to in a while online. I don’t go on AIM as much as I used to, but it was a nice chat overall. It was the usual small talk. We asked about what we’ve been up to. We both have similar answers: Work and sleep. We talked about other things, but our brief conversation about work life got me thinking about my current state of mind.

I’ve blogged about my current job a few times here, specifically its unstable nature (the possibility of my client company not to renew my work contract). I thought I’ve hit the jackpot with my first job after college. I lasted 2 years with the company. Granted I only worked with one of their client companies for approximately 20 months (1 month of training prior and 3 months on work bench before they let me go). I got the next job 2 months after unemployment. I wished for that job to be as good as it gets, but deep down, I knew it wouldn’t last long. The 3rd job was the worst. It was the only job that I knew on the first day I made a bad choice. Worst company ever. I held on and stayed for as long as I could until I got fed up and quit. Then I got my current job.

I was scouring the Internet for IT specialist positions and other computer jobs in my area, sending my updated resume for job postings for 4 months. There were 2 job fairs that I attended that day. I managed to part ways with a few of my printed resumes on the first one. The second one was a bust. That’s when I got a call from a recruiter. I was already fielding another recruiter that week, but it’s always nice to have more than one. There were 2 separate phone interviews held for my current job. The second interview was more technical. I got a little frustrated when I couldn’t answer some of the questions which I knew, but don’t recall the correct terminology. I felt that they were going to cut off my interview short. So I kind of blew off on the interviewers. I told them that I’ve always been stuck, thrown in the fire on my last 3 jobs, not knowing what to do. I managed to come out on top and figure everything. I already called it a miss. I got an offer 2 days later on the Friday before Thanksgiving. They called me in the afternoon, so they gave me until Monday to decide.

Another job I interviewed for was still deciding on whether to hire me. I used my job offer to the other recruiter as a leverage to get an answer from the other company. I had to choose between commuting distance, security and salary. It was a no-brainer. The other job position was 25 minutes away from home, but they haven’t given me an offer. So I drove 2.5-3.5 hours to work every day. After working there for a year, I made an arrangement to work from home for 3 days and 2 days at the office. I still would go to the office when I’m needed. I’ve got the handle on most things for all the applications that our team supports. I’ve proven myself to work independently and ask questions. There’s still that very possibility of my contract ending at a short time’s notice. Yet, I’ve never felt remarkably at ease and exceedingly in my element. That said, I’ll have to apologize for the next paragraph.

Life is now just a bunch of chores. I wake up feeling groggy. Exercise. I drive to work or log on to my work laptop from home. Eat meals. Watch TV. Browse online. Social media. Videogames. Sleep. I do these routines in random fashion. Some I don’t even do that day. The weekends have been as mundane as ever. These past year, my weekends have been “me time” for the most part. I don’t hang out with friends as much as I used to. I certainly don’t go out of my way to go to group events and such. It’s too boring, but I’m not complaining.

Just a few years prior, I wanted to do something new whenever I can. I don’t have the same drive or feeling. Not sure what I’m feeling these days. It’s a fine line between contentment and emptiness. This usually leads to me having very deep and existential thoughts right before I go to sleep. Then I wake up and forget about it. I feel like a completely different person. The “me” 5 years ago is strangely foreign and unrecognizable.

Usually, I end my posts with an afterthought where I come to an understanding with all the points I brought up while writing. This time, I don’t have an answer. I guess you could say this is just as much of an afterthought, but it’s not the same. Something is lost. What “it” was that I had 5 years ago, I want “it” back.

I’m done.

Posted June 21, 2014 by StupidSystemus in Musings, Personal

What Newbs Do?   Leave a comment

Point out at that not having hashtags on your Instagram pictures means you’re an Instagram newb.

I’m really embarrassed for you.
#sarcastichashtag #petpeeve

Posted June 16, 2014 by StupidSystemus in Musings

Jason Statham   4 comments

A few months ago, someone asked a question on Facebook on who their favorite actors were. One person said she likes Jason Statham and that he’s the greatest actor ever.

I always viewed Statham in the same category as The Governator, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, JCVD… Basically the cast of The Expendables franchise. They’re great action movie stars. So I joked that Statham played the same role in all his movies. He kinda does.

“I don’t know what you mean by that,” she said. She wasn’t kidding.

Awkward.

Posted June 12, 2014 by StupidSystemus in Musings